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A Conversation With Emily

Today on The Cross Eyed Commentary will be speaking to Emily Jones. She is the child actress with the hit t.v. show ‘Potty Time.’ She is the daughter of Mike and Dana Jones and resides in Pennsylvania. Due to her age we had to bring in a special interpreter so that she could tell her story.

Mike: So Emily tell us about yourself.
Emily: Well I am about 2 feet 6 inches tall and weigh about 15 lbs. I am an Aries which means that I am independent, generous, optimistic, moody, and impulsive.
M: How old are you?
E: I am currently 10 months old, but will have my first birthday on April 18th.
M: Are you looking forward to your first birthday?
E: Not really. I think birthdays are overrated. I would rather party the other 364 days in the year instead of just one.
M: There are rumors out there that you don’t change your own diaper is that true?
E: That is a personal topic and I will not answer that question.
M: Sorry about that. Will you please comment on the teeth you recently acquired?
E: Certainly! Most babies only wait a few months to get their teeth, but I wasn’t ready till last week. So I decided to get three in at the same time.
M: Wow! Was that painful?
E: (sarcastically) What do you think?
M: Sorry I was just curious. Well tell me a little about your family.
E: Well my mom stays home with me everyday and watches my every move. She is pretty easy to entertain. All I have to say is ‘Momma’ and I have her attention. She has not caught on yet, but that will be our secret. I also have a crazy father who is a preacher and a mental health therapist. Many people do not know this, but my mother writes his sermons for him.
M: Really?!
E: Oh yes! She is usually done with them by Thursday afternoon and then he just practices them until Saturday night.
M: He must be lucky to have her as a wife.
E: You don’t know the half of it man. Let me tell you about my big sister Mikayla. She is one class act. She plays with me all the time. She sings to me when I cry and loves to wake me up in the morning so that I will not oversleep. You cannot find a cooler sister than her.
M: Sounds like you have a great family. I have one last question before I finish. You’re fans are just dying to know. Which do you prefer: the bottle or a sippy cup?
E: I’m offended you would even ask me that question. Sippy cup hands down. They are nicer on your gums and much more festive than a bottle.
M: Well thanks so much for spending some time with me today Emily answering these questions.
E: No problem. By the way where is my mom? She needs to come get me I still can’t walk yet.
Categories: Family
  1. Emily
    March 19, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    this is hilarious! we need more of this kind of thing. the people are demanding it.

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